let's begin again
- Lana S. Price
- Mar 27
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 21
lana price, a burst of spring, 2026, polaroid 600, 4.25" x 3.5"
lessons learned from my secret blog
Last summer I started a secret blog (I’ve since taken it down). I had given myself a 30-day writing challenge, and my theme was die empty. The premise was: if I could write a post every day for 30 days, how much could I express and “empty” out? What could be transformed, from internal to external?
After 15 days of writing every day--15 posts / 7,300 words/ 42 hours dedicated to creativity--I took a break to reflect. I was happy with what I had written, but I wasn’t proud of how I treated myself.
I was tapping into this “do it before you die!” taskmaster energy, whip in hand. This taskmaster has productivity hacks on constant loop, phrases like “don’t break the chain” and “done is better than perfect.”
The taskmaster kept thinking of ways to turn up the heat and increase pressure on my writing project. Since you want to write faster, then publish how much time you’re spending on each post for accountability. You say you want to be seen? Then why aren’t you inviting people to subscribe?? Let’s just set a daily morning reminder in your calendar that says “promote newsletter” so you don’t forget.
When I scheduled a long weekend trip, the taskmaster made sure to move those three writing blocks to the days before, reminding me that I’d have to pay for this vacation by doubling up for a few days in order to “stay on track.”
The taskmaster is everything you can imagine about the old world order-- capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, ableism--rolled into one. But the call was coming from inside the house.
the old world is carceral
So now I’m starting a new blog/ newsletter, but this time I’m inviting people to read my work. I have to admit this is scary for me. The taskmaster is still here, and she’s a natural leader. She wants to help me achieve my goals. She wants me to be a success. She’s got the playbook in hand, and is fired up. You’ve already wasted so much time, hemming and hawing over this. And what do you have to show for it?
The old world is carceral. The system is control, the tools are productivity-focused, the language is punishing, and the pace is relentless. Time and output must be measured, so they can be improved upon. My 3-day vacation needed to be earned, via a backlog that I had to ‘pay off’ in advance. I prove my worth through disciplined, consistent achievement. I can’t afford to be sick or sidetracked.
Collectively, we can see this turned up to the MAX on all dials: max extraction, max othering, max surveillance, max punishment, max cruelty, max greed. Systems of oppression are being taken to extreme levels that we can’t unsee. As Rebecca Solnit says regarding her latest book, The Beginning Comes After the End, these are the last vestiges as the global far right tries desperately to hold on--but we are birthing a new world.
what does the new world look like?
My friend Linda Katz refers to the prison as the Inner Cage, the taskmaster as the Tyrant King, and the counterpart as the Wise and Wild Woman. She wrote a beautiful book about her journey unraveling the inner cage to come home to herself.
Let me be honest and admit I don’t yet have a name for my wise and wild counterpart. I’m not totally sure how to do this new writing project without the taskmaster in charge. But I know I want to operate in the paradigm of the new world, embodying values of compassion, generosity, collectivism, and stewardship to start. And I believe that the change can start from within.
My last project was called die empty, and it served as a creative mantra. That feels kinda punitive to me now. In this moment, I feel called to the word trust.
affirmations of trust
I trust that:
My life matters and has meaning, regardless of my identities, what I produce, what I do, or don’t do.
I’m on my own timeline, which is intertwined with others & the universe, and we shape each other in seen and unseen ways.
I have something special to offer, but nothing to prove to myself or others. I release all expectations. I am not letting anyone down.
I take meaningful action towards what matters, even when (or especially when!) I feel uncertain.
Allowing myself to be seen is an act of courage. And an opportunity for growth, connection, and possibility.
I will make mistakes. I am resilient enough to learn from them and continue.
I am meeting this moment as it is, as I am. And I choose from here.
If you feel called to, try reading these affirmations out loud and see what happens. Are there any you would add to the list?
i'm lana price and this is my biweekly-ish newsletter. i write about navigating life transitions, bridging practicality and possibility. you can find other writing here. subscribe to get these straight to your inbox.
