3. emotional holding in the body
- Lana S. Price
- Apr 8
- 4 min read
Updated: 7 days ago
lana price, black wave, 2024, polaroid 600, 4.25" x 3.5"
I was pretty late to the game on the importance of feelings and emotional holding in the body -- the idea where unprocessed feelings can get stuck and manifest physically.
I'm a Pisces Sun and Cancer Rising, and true to the personality traits of these water signs, I believe I’m pretty emotive. But it’s often in a “still waters run deep” kind of way, where those feelings are way underground, nowhere near the surface.
moving to Austin with my feelings in my back
In 2017, I moved from NYC to Austin, Texas. I jumped on an opportunity, and within weeks I was giving notice to my landlord, packing up my things, and starting a new life.
Right before I left, I got hit with crippling back pain. I was hunched over, and I remember being very worried about how I was going to pull my suitcase through the airport, let alone into the taxi or the overhead bin.
Being in pain like this was unbelievably inconvenient. I needed to really hustle--I was starting a new gig and had to find an apartment, buy a car, get furnishings, and basically be all set up in a very short period--and I could barely walk. It was absurd.
So to add to my list, as soon as I got there, I immediately sought treatment for my back. I set up appointments for massage and physical therapy. Luckily, I stumbled upon an amazing bodyworker. Over our sessions, we explored how the root of my back pain might be emotional holding--unprocessed feelings stuck in the body. She referred me to a therapist who specialized in the mind/body connection so that I could work the emotional processing and physical recovery simultaneously.
As I wrote about in ‘the case for a strong goodbye,’ I didn’t give my 13 years in NYC the goodbye they deserved. I had a really rich life and lots of friends, and I rushed through the transition; I was deliberately trying not to feel the grief of leaving, but focusing on the future instead.
The unprocessed feelings manifested physically to the point I could barely walk. This was my body’s intervention: I had to slow down.
Stuck feelings don’t disappear. There are many ways they can manifest including physical symptoms (pain, fatigue, illness), mental health struggles, or relationship conflicts.
And on the flip side, being in tune, or aligned, with your inner state helps create greater harmony. My former therapist once said that identifying a feeling is like tapping a tuning fork: it creates a vibration that resonates with what’s happening inside. And that resonance also impacts our external world.
naming the feelings and needs
Understanding our feelings is a way to be in dialogue with our inner wisdom--it’s valuable information about what’s working, what’s not, and where to go next. They can reveal things our rational mind can’t access. It’s also how we metabolize our experiences, make meaning, and connect with and relate to each other on a deeper level.
There is a saying, “you have to feel it to heal it,” and that is an ongoing journey. Of course, this isn’t as straightforward as it might sound.
Last year I got certified in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which is a terrible name, imo, but the core premise is that all humans have the same basic needs, and all of our actions are (often subconsciously) driven by attempts to meet those needs. And feelings can point to whether our needs are being met or not. So as we can better name our feelings, we can also investigate which needs are being met or unmet in any given moment.
This creates a kind of inner map. As we identify those needs, we can also access all the possibilities to meet those needs and make requests, either of ourselves or of others, to restore harmony and connection.
going “back” in time
NYC NVC has these handy cheat sheets on naming feelings and needs - I have it printed and consult it often, it’s a great accompaniment to journaling or any process of internal checking-in.*
If I had these tools back in 2017, I could possibly name that yes, I was excited for my next chapter, nervous, overwhelmed with all I had to do, but underneath it feeling some heartbreak, too. And what is the heartbreak pointing to? Maybe a need for some space in all the frenetic activity, some nurturing, and likely mourning, which is the process of grief becoming externalized. Basically allowing myself to feel sad!
When I didn’t heed the call to meet these needs, the body did it for me -- essentially crippling me so that I couldn’t move at the speed that I was desperately trying to move at, and forcing me to listen.
My body still tries to talk to me and many times I pretend I can’t hear it, and just try to keep going. But I also know there is a bigger price to pay when I do this. When I remember that my feelings are trying to help me, not hurt me, I’ll stop to check in. My feelings aren’t obstacles, they are actually showing me the path to what I really need.
* I also recommend NYC NVC’s year-long online compassion course.
If it serves you, scroll this list of needs (on page 2) until you hit one that resonates. What does it feel like in your body to name this need?
i'm lana price and this is my biweekly-ish newsletter. i write about navigating life transitions, bridging practicality and possibility. you can find other writing here. subscribe to get these straight to your inbox.
